Paris Hilton and Nick Carter Break Up -- The World Continues Not to Care

Paris Hilton and Nick Carter Break Up

If you've gone to the grocery store, 7-11, or local head shop recently, you might have noticed a trend in the top stories of the popular tabloids this week. The headlines usually scream something to the effect of "Paris Hilton and Nick Carter Break Up -- the public is outraged -- the world will end within the hour".

Usually that headline is also followed by a picture of Paris smoking, and/or wearing a low cut skirt and for some reason a blurb about Opera next to a picture of her stuffing her face with hamburgers.

Before we go any further, Celebrity Bathwater™ would just like to make you aware that we do not think Paris Hilton is hot, and that's not just because she has a beak for a nose, dresses like a rodeo clown, and is skinnier than the crack head hobo who hassles you for change every other day when you're trying to walk to Walmart. No, she's not hot because she's a waste of space: totally unproductive, totally untalented, and totally oblivious to either of those facts. There has to be some mathematical function to chart the hotness versus uselessness. I assume it would look something like this.

Why should anyone care about a vapid, useless, waste of space heir to a fortune that she obviously doesn't deserve, breaking up with a latently homosexual, Backstreet Boy?

Nick Carter, Paris Hilton, Mr. T, and the Construction worker from the Village People

How many people except for Nick Carter can say that their 2 year career has already been eclipsed by their metrosexual 16 year old brother?

You mean you CAN'T take Aaron Carter seriously?

This breakup would be done and over without any hassle normally, what makes it funny is that Paris just recently got a tattoo of his name on her butt, and he got her name tattooed on his wrist.

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"Paris Hilton has made a permanent symbol of her love for beau Nick Carter - by tattooing his name on her bottom.

In return, Carter - who has been dating the socialite for seven months - had her name etched on his wrist.

A Hollywood source tells British newspaper the Daily Sport: "Nick and Paris were all over each other and kept giggling as they went into the parlour.

'She said she wanted the tattoo to be somewhere intimate and for Nick's eyes only, so she had it put on her buttock.'"
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Morons. I'm sure Paris has enough money to get the tattoo lazered off, but Nick's finances are looking pretty bleak unless there's a Backstreet Boy reunion in the works, so he might have to get his brother to spot him the money until then.

Ahh, young love can survive even the worst of hair cuts

Tabloids report news that nobody should care about, but for some reason we do anyway. We at Celebrity Bathwater™ know about that all too well, and we'll keep posting inane gossip as long as you keep reading it. So what do we have to say about Paris Hilton and Nick "I'm really not gay guys" Carter? Nothing at all except Nick Carter better watch his back or sooner or later Nick Carter's younger, cooler, and metrocentric alter ego is gonna come in for sloppy seconds baby.

Paris Hilton, you suck! Literally, I've seen it.

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