Celebrity Bathwater

Jennifer Morrison, who is in Star Trek for all of about three minutes as Kirk’s mother, is in the new issue of “Men’s Fitness” magazine.  She’s also on the show “House” but even though I love Hugh Laurie, I can’t stand that show so I never watch it.  That’s the sum total of my knowledge about her.

I haven’t the foggiest notion why there’s a photo spread of a woman in a magazine called “Men’s Fitness”.  I know Americans have a tendency toward a sedentary lifestyle, but this is pretty ridiculous.  If this is a fitness magazine’s idea of how to raise your heart rate I’m thinking you’re not really gonna get very fit reading their articles.  Anyway, the pictures are all kinda small, but they’re of a scantily clad lady so I figured y’all will dig deep and find a way to suffer through.

Jennifer Morrison in the June/July issue of “Men’s Fitness”:

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Princess Leia gold bikini pillow fight! (AgentBedhead)

The Hogans: Still klassy after all these years. (WIMB)

Beyoncé is looking creepy as hell on the cover of Marie Claire. (GoFugYourself)

Tori Spelling may be nine kinds of hot mess, but at least she’s better than her mother. (WWTDD)

Kanye has another temper tantrum. (CelebWarship)

Oh look, pictures from Britney’s new video!  There’s a lawnmower involved.  Greeeeeat.  That bodes really well. (IDLYITW)

Rachel Weisz likes to get naked. (Cityrag)

I am beyond sick of Jon & Kate Gosselin, but for those of you still interested in their tacky passive-aggressive trainwreck shenanigans, they’re being investigated for child labour law violations. (Cele|bitchy)

Stacy & Clinton teach Blossom What Not to Wear on tonight’s season premiere. (SOMG)

The Scripps spelling bee happened again, and some little girl won. (EvilBeet)

Nicole Richie is about to pop out her second Madden spawn, and she’s cooked up a whole list of heinous baby names. (CelebNewsWire)

In completely unnecessary remake news, some Hollywood asswad decided it’d be a good idea to “re-imagine” the 1985 masterpiece Girls Just Want to Have Fun. (Dlisted)

Phil Spector (I totally forgot he even existed) finally got sentenced for the 2003 murder of actress Lana Clarkson. (Celebslam)

I’ve never heard of “Ralph” magazine, but they say some chick named Emily Scott is Australia’s sexiest woman.  She’s really tan and shiny, and she has a gigantic rack. (Egotastic)

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Taylor Swift was on “The Today Show” this morning, I guess, performing in Rockefeller Centre.  This insanely shiny stuff is what she wore.  Jesus, even her guitar is sparkly.  I feel like if I look at these pictures too long, I might end up with epilepsy.  I am not generally a fan of sparkly shit, but I just don’t have it in me to hate Taylor Swift.  She confuses my eyeholes, but I like her anyway.  Her hair usually looks like either nylon Barbie hair or the kind of wig they put on actresses in Lifetime movies about cancer, but she’s so pretty.  Even though she actually just looks kinda like an adorable squinty-eyed rodent most of the time.  She’s somehow still pretty.  It’s an infinite mystery, like what hot dogs are made out of or why it always seems hotter outside when you’re wearing a skirt.  Taylor is also friends with that hellspawn Miley Cyrus and she once dallied with a Jonas and is therefore tainted beyond what an exorcism can oust, but whatever… I somehow like her anyway, okay?  DON’T JUDGE ME.

Taylor Swift singing something on “The Today Show” this morning:

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(image via ONTD_ai) This week, BWE.tv got to do what so so so many of you can only dream of -- meet and touch The Lambert. As in Adam Lambert, dare we say the biggest sensation in America since you know who's heart went on aboard the Titanic ahuminahumina years ago.

• Tonight at 11 PM, Adam will make his "talking head" debut on VH1 with a special appearance -- along with AI winner Kris Allen -- on an all new Best Week Ever with Paul F. Tompkins. If you can't wait until tonight, click here to check out a sneak peek at Lambert making a bespectacle out of himself.

• And for those of you interested in a little Kris Allen, fear not: Along with tonight's episode, Kris and Adam made cameos on last night's Best Day Ever with Doug Benson.

• But what would a Lambert highlight post be without mention of my own run-in with this indescribably magnetic sent-from-the-future asteroid man? Not a very thorough one. Yes, my Interview with Lambert has certainly carried me on a plush chinchilla carpet ride of a great mood this week, as I've been walking around the office in sort of a grinny haze. But imagine my absolute shock when I discovered that a handful of the better -- if not best -- photos from our little BFF 4 Nowver tête à tête were left out of the interview! Including one where I am touching his arm. (**cue chopping my own hands off to save for Grandchildren**)

So, if it's thoroughness you want, thoroughness you shall receive. The photos are after the jump. Consider this an Appendix to the original inty: Here's one of me, answering the immortal question "How's the soup today?": And another one, where I'm pretending to look at questions on the blank piece of paper I'm holding (he knows): Oh, here's one of me still talking (but camman, look at his adorable face!): OH SNAP, IT'S A REACTION SHOT Y'ALL: Here we are reenacting our favorite episode of Friends, "The One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know": And finally... here I am touching him, as though he were an endangered species I happened upon while stranded in the Brazilian Rainforest: To quote Wes Bentley in American Beauty: "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in." Adam Lambert, you are my supermarket shopping bag floating in the breeze.

Prince Harry dedicates a group of trees in New York City with his wacky 80s-comedian impression, "Wouldn't it be weird if Jack Nicholson from The Shining was playing with Marlon Brando's grandson from The Godfather? It might go uuuuuuhhhhhh little something...like this": Full-on Godfather special effects after the jump: BOOM! Any openings for a graphic designer, Pixar?

No single entity in any existing media field generates more weighty, superlative praise, then ends up completely justifying it, quite like the annual summer Pixar movie: Ordinarily, if I saw these sort of reviews attached to a non-Pixar movie, my eyes would pop out of my skull and I'd brace myself for a second wave of contradictory critical backlash, but with Pixar movies, we've just come to expect these kinds of reviews, and no one's worried about the hype because the movie ALWAYS ends up delivering (and obviously I'm not counting Cars, that's the caveat with any Pixar discussion): So why am I posting about the Up reviews when I completely expected them and also completely expect to love the movie instantly just as I embraced WALL-E and Ratatouille and the lot? Because, well, I'm not usually one to pass judgment, but if any of you out there are really dying to go after any movie critics' families, pro-lifers on abortion-doctor style... well......... KIDDING!!! Kidding! Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, hahahahahahahaHA, what a funny...joke... I'm joking, I'd never... ACTUALLY... want people to... I'm really looking forward to this movie.

Angelina Jolie suffered minor injuries filming a stunt for her new movie Salt in Long Island earlier today.  From Star:

Angie was taken to the hospital after bumping her head, reports TMZ. She got a cut in between her eyes which bled a little.

The star’s manager said she will be fine.

Angelina, her partner Brad Pitt and their children have been staying in Long Island while she shoots Salt, the story of a CIA officer on the run.

The film’s production company released a statement saying, “This morning while filming an action sequence… Angelina Jolie sustained a minor injury. As a precautionary measure, Ms. Jolie will be taken to the hospital and examined. Production on the film has resumed.”

So, to recap: Angelina Jolie got an itty bitty bump on the head and has a boo-boo that was most likely patched up by one of the Spongebob Squarepants bandaids that a mother of six no doubt has stashed in a pocket of her purse.  And yet Star’s website has a giant headline screaming, “Angelina Jolie Hospitalised”.  I’m so glad nobody’s panicking.

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