Celebrity Bathwater

Don't forget, an all new episode of Best Week Ever with Paul F. Tompkins premieres tonight at 11! Tune in for all your Sad Blagojevich footage, gentlemanly Mickey Rourke footage, and out-of-control Idol children! Meanwhile, from the internet week that was:

• The Office porn: just like the regular Office, but with more Creed and the plots are more plausible.
• Here's 5 convincing reasons to watch the Puppy Bowl instead of the Super Bowl. Besides, this puppy already knows who's gonna win.
• Barack the President VS Barack the Elephant: either one would be better than our last president ohmygodamIrightpeople?????
• REEEECAPS: Lost took us back to the roaring fifties, while Top Chef had a Super Bowl themed week featuring the Super Bowlest food of all: f*cking oats.
• Michelle asks the painful philosophical question: Who could Evan Rachel Wood possibly make out with next?
• Austin got attacked by Nazi zombies, who unfortunately were way too early for South By Southwest.
• There's not a boob in the world I have less interest in seeing than those of Amy Winehouse.
• Here's our 10 Favorite Zac Efron Blingees, even though making a Blingee of Zac Efron is like drawing on the sun with a yellow marker.
• Do whatever you want to Roxanne, Microsoft Songsmith, but leave Buddy Holly out of this!
• PETA cut through the crap and finally told us to have sex with vegetables, more or less.
• Kanye West said this week that he doesn't want to star in a bisexual porn. On a related note, Michelle believes that Kanye West wants to star in a bisexual porn.

The New York Tourism And Marketing Office announced their new Broadway campaign today designed to revitalize the struggling stage industry in the wake of the economic collapse. Here are some of the highlights from the new Broadway campaign: "First off, we'll be placing these two colorful, drama-looking banners around the city; one will be located right off the 145th St Stop on the B Train, the other will be placed outside a pretty popular bodega in Canarsie. If they're successful, we may add a third." "Rather than directing patrons to Broadway.com, we'll be using a new, easier-to-use website, NYCgo.com/artsandleisure/arts/events/upcoming/broadway/shows/yesseriously/shows/iknowitsaripoff/shows/order/geocities.com/dancingbabygif/newyork/newyork/BROADWAY/shows/ordernow" "What's that, you say? Milk the crap out of Will Ferrell's six-week Broadway run for the next ten years? We're already on it." "To combat increasing skepticism from investors, we'll remind people about Avenue Q, the only musical to turn a profit since, like, the 1923 Ziegfeld Follies." "For further cross-promotion, the Avenue Q characters will also vote in the Iraqi elections." "Whoa, is that Mary Louise Parker? Cool." "Worse comes to worse, if you're still not buying $120 play tickets during a historically paralyzing economic slump, we'll have these dudes beat the sh*t out of you."

We knew the economy was screwed when a company encouraging Americans to send in their family heirlooms for food money had raked up cash to run a 30 second spot during the Superbowl. We really knew the economy was screwed when legendary performers Ed McMahon and MC Hammer climbed on board for the ride. The Cash4Gold.com Superbowl ad you are about to witness will both elate you and deflate you. Elate you because it's truly hilarious in a surprisingly self-aware way, and deflate because -- let's face it -- when a pious man like MC Hammer has to pawn his gold pants and sledgehammer for money, we as a collective nation are about 4 mac & cheese meals away from giving random HJ's for a hot meal. And don't get me started on Ed's gold giraffe... So, in the immortal words of the love of my life Ed McMahon... Heeeere's Money!

So many emotions.

Hey guys! Bwe.tv has been nominated for a prestigious (to bloggers) award! We've been nominated as the Best Entertainment Blog in the 2009 Bloggies! Voting is easy - just put your email address in and you're good to go. Head over to the website, just keep a-side-scrollin' (or do a wordfind with "week", lazies), and put your vote in! And thanks to everyone who nominated us!!!

The following video of two handcuffed prisoners running from the police and colliding with one another actually did happen in real life, but it all seems too perfectly staged, too comical, and too exaggeratedly spastic for me to believe that The Internet didn't somehow will this to happen. I am SO on to you, The Internet. Nice try.

Season 2 of Bravo's The Real Housewives of NY is right around the corner, and you know what that means... Brooklyn powercouple Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen have a cocktail party to throw! Earlier this week, fans and friends of the couple gathered together for drinks at the Bruno Jamais Resturant Club, and husband Simon found it as good a time as any to show the world just how. f**king. much. he. loves. his. wife. by making out with her in front of the guests. Allow us to take you through this kiss step by step, yes? Step 1: Gaze lovingly into your lover's eyes. Step 2: Place a gentle heartwarming kiss on each other's lips. The steps continue ahead. Step 3: Realize Step 2 made you look a little gay, and show these people that you will literally lay down with her on the floorboards and make sweet public love to her if they want to see it. Step 4: As it slowly dawns on you that perhaps your cropped peacoat could be misconstrued as a touch femme, reaalllllly make that kiss last, no matter how horrified your party's guests seem to be. Step 5: 35 minutes later, slowly release your death grip on your poor, frail mistress, as you realize onlookers have grown bored with your tonguecrobatics. Step 6: And release. Our reaction can best be described by this patron, featured in Step 4:

Hey, guess what we (we=me) know little to nothing about? This year's Superbowl Teams! (cue crowd roar) But that hasn't stopped us from turning to BWE.tv's most adorable clairvoyant to pick this year's winner... a small but feisty long-haired dachshund named James. James, courtesy of his owner BWE.tv Sr. Video Producer Raphael Rodriguez, was put to the test: Who is going to win this year's Superbowl 43: Will it be the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Arizona Cardinals? Click to find out!

Don't blame us, blame the dog, folks.