Celebrity Bathwater

• GOOD GORDEED: Hey, Heidi and Spencer ate some crappy Taco Bell for charity publicity charicity! (ONTD)
• LAUGH MEDICINE: Some kind soul at SNL put up the precise vintage parody ad that our crumbling economy needed right now. It's even got Alec Baldwin! (Videogum)
• HOT TUB: I don't really know what this post or video is about, but the first 30 seconds of steak and eggs with William Shatner is undoubtedly worth the price of admission. (StreetCarnage)
• EDUTAINMENT: Yay, a new Drunk History - this time with William Henry Harrison! (Buzzfeed)
• NO JOKE: Just a good old fashioned radio interview with comedy genius Louis CK over at The Sound of Young America. (Maximum Fun)

Apparently, Sharon Stone is working really hard to win mother of the year. In a recent "Tentative Statement of Decision" released from Sharon's custody battle for her son, the Judge revealed that Sharon is inattentive to her son's needs and often overreacts to issues revolving around the boy's health. One example involved Sharon's insistence on giving the boy botox injections. And of course people are going nuts over this, but they don't know the whole story. You see, Sharon's son...how do I put this delicately? Well, maybe it's better to just let you see for yourself. Her son looks like this: Obvies I'm kidding, and when you read the article more closely, you see that she was intending to give the boy botox injections into his feet, to solve an "odor" problem. Not as scandalous as using botox to make her son's face look younger, but definitely really weird. I'm not sure what the heck else is in this "highly sensitive" document, but if that's the info that's getting out, I can't imagine what other kooky sh*t this lady did to lose custody of her child. (via Celebitchy)

This year for Halloween I’m totally going to dress up as Jennifer Aniston. It ought to be a pretty easy costume. All I’ll need is a bikini and maybe a dark blonde wig. See, you’ll be able to tell I’m Jennifer Aniston because I’ll go around asking everyone “Do you think I’m pretty? Like pretty pretty? TV pretty? One a scale of 1 to 10, like maybe a 9?” and then cradle my empty baby box while frantically chasing away unsuspecting males. It ought to be a real Hallows Eve hit!

More desperate bikini action in Cabo:

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Truth be told, I really don't have a good reason to post this random photo found on Flickr of a Chinchilla all dressed up for a luau. But look: I found it. I e-mailed it around. It put me in a good mood. So my thinking is "Hey? Why shouldn't I post it?" I mean, you guys, camman: Look at his little hands!! And don't get me started on the detailing. It's just so glorious. I hope you can understand.

Let's be serious... can she get any more adorable? Her crotch could be from the anks to the neck, and she'd still look great! After the jump, an odd photo of her and Jim Carrey "Fiving High", while she dons a pair of tasteful purple gardening gloves. Oh Zooey!

It's too bad every town can't be Gotham City, each with their own Dark Knights protecting the populous from heinous supervillains with scary names and dangerous obsessions. One such depraved evil-doer, a man known only as The Butt Bandit, has been tormenting a small Nebraska town for more than a year now, and despite their best efforts, the traditional law enforcement agencies seem unable to put an end to his reign of anal terrorism. From the AP Story:

Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects. [...] The police chief is far from amused. "It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step."

Not funny is right. If only there were a real caped crusader who could deliver these poor people, and their lube-smeared windows, from these terrifying atrocities. Someone calling themselves The Buttplug, perhaps? Anyway, if comic-crazed Hollywood is paying any kind of attention, all those Dark Knight sequel casting concerns about a villain crazy enough to fill The Joker's purple shoes could be easily assuaged by the introduction of The Butt Bandit to Gotham City. It's the role Will Ferrell was born to play. But in all seriousness, if you or anyone you know has any information regarding the whereabouts of The Butt Bandit, we beseech you to do the right thing and call the Valentine, Nebraska authorities on their special Butt Bandit Tips hotline 1-800-ASS-GRAB.