Archive for August, 2008



S.S. Kristen Bell Maximal Magazine Pictures


h1 Friday, August 29th, 2008

Kristen Bell Maximal Magazine

Unless you have short-term memory issues (read: smoke a lot of pot), you probably remember these pictures of Kristin Bell in a bikini. Well, here she is again, this time in lingerie in Maximal Magazine, which appears to be the poor Yugoslavian smelter’s version Maxim. Sama sebi škoditi! Only 300 dinars per issue! Come with free pohati and endemic nephropathy screening. Won’t you order today?

Kristen Bell Maximal MagazineKristen Bell Maximal MagazineKristen Bell Maximal MagazineKristen Bell Maximal Magazine

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Quickies: Closet Case


h1 Friday, August 29th, 2008

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Mischa Barton may technically be an albino. (CelebSlam)

Look out, Carrie UnderwoodLindsay Lohan’s after Michael Phelps! (Holy Moly)

Michael Jackson unveiled, creepier and paler than ever before! (MollyGood)

Vida Guerra attempts to out-whore Jodie Marsh. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Elisabeth Shue — NAKED!! (Mr. Skin)

If you thought they were bad before, try Tori Spelling’s tits from this angle! (Websters)

Apparently Vanessa Minillo stopped caring about her roots months ago. (Agent Bedhead)

Kevin Spacey is gay — and here are the pics to prove it. (The Blemish)

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Michael Phelps Dating Carrie Underwood?


h1 Friday, August 29th, 2008

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Good thing they don’t give out medals for ass-banditry, because fourteen-time Olympic medalist Michael Phelps would have snagged another gold for snatching up a hot piece of Carrie Underwood. The Enquirer says

Michael was over the moon after hearing a rumor that the one-time American Idol thinks he is “cute.” According to celebrity tattles on-site at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, the twentysomethings are frequently texting each other and have already begun planning a “quiet first date” near Carrie’s home in Nashville, Tennessee.

The 23-year-old athlete told Carrie, “I’m not so sure you’d want to see me eat! It might not make a great first impression.”

You wanna know what does make a really good impression on a first date? Home video of that time you danced Agamemnon at Jacob’s Pillow. Gets you to third every time. Wait, “third” is still “masturbating alone with your mom’s Cosmopolitan,” right? Yeah, third base, every time. Guaranteed.

In all his Olympic glory, for Laura:

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CAPTION THIS: Llllooky here. My name is Lllllleo. L-E-O.


h1 Friday, August 29th, 2008
Leonardo DiCaprio has a point to make. So you better LLLListen up!
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(via Jezebel)

EBOLA FRIDAY: Squeeze My Belly


h1 Friday, August 29th, 2008
It's Ebola Friday! When we take random videos that we're absolutely positive are super dooper definitely going to go viral and release them on Friday afternoons (aka, Internet PRIME TIME). This week's video: Squeeze My Belly. Man, Batman Returns looks reeeally ridiculous when you go back and watch it now:

MOVIES YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT EXISTED: Ghost Rider


h1 Monday, August 18th, 2008
Ghost Rider posterFriday night. 3 in the morning. Lacking both sobriety and proximity to the remote control. Long story short, this weekend, I learned that the movie Ghost Rider was a thing that happened. WHY WE FORGOT THIS MOVIE EXISTED: After being kicked around in production for literally seven years, the film was finally crapped out in the third week of February '07, known in the biz as "Super Dooper Surefire Blockbuster Week." It actually overcame incredulous reviews to gross $65 million in its first two weekends, but I don't know a single person who went to see it -- I'm pretty sure everyone in attendance entered into a secret suicide pact agreeing never to speak about the film or rat out other fellow moviegoers on the penalty of death. In fact, this definitely occurred. I'm adding it to the Wikipedia page as we speak. THE PLOT, AS I UNDERSTOOD IT: Johnny Blaze (Cage) and his dad are both motorcycle daredevils. Cage sells his soul to Peter Fonda to save his father from cancer, and Fonda, who is The Devil, saves his dad but then kills him in a motorcycle accident the next day. Cage is in love with Eva Mendes and they carve their names into a tree but he has to leave cause he's the devil's Ghost Rider now, and must fight the neighbor kid from American Beauty who is now also a devil instead of a filmmaker. Ghost Rider kills people when they look in his eyes but can't kill American Beauty kid because he has no soul but then later he gets some souls so it works and he dies, even though Ghost Rider doesn't have power when the sun is up which it kind of was at the time. Peter Fonda then says "you can have your life back" and Ghost Rider's all like "no thanks! I love Eva Mendes!" This angers The Devil then the credits roll. MOST NOTABLE PERFORMANCE: Nic Cage's wig, working some serious overtime --
Cage Wig
GR BentleyMOST DESERVING TO BE IN THIS FILM: Wes Bentley, of American Beauty fame. Why does he only have seventeen acting credits when Jamie Kennedy has fifty-five? Did he sleep with Hollywood's wife or something? LEAST DESERVING TO BE IN THIS FILM: Veteran cowboy Sam Elliott, playing Kris Kristofferson's character from the Blade movies. MOST IMPORTANT SCENE IN CINEMATIC HISTORY: Cage rides on his flaming motorcycle alongside Sam Elliott on his flaming HORSE, but not into battle or anything; they just ride for about 60 seconds then part ways and Elliott completely exits the movie.
Flaming Rider People
GHOST RIDER BY THE NUMBERS Forgettability Factor: 6. Sequels already planned for this, The Hulk, and The Punisher, but Ghost Rider II: Ridin' Dirty will be the worst of the three. Ironic Humor: 8. Terrific film to watch in a group while drinking. Not quite Transporter 2, but really, what is? Special Effects: 7. Not terrible, considering the CGI was done in 1996 --
GR Skull
OVERALL: 7.5. Definitely see this movie. In a "don't see this movie" kind of way.