Celebrity Bathwater

• MY PRECIOUS: Guy Ritchie was spotted boarding a flight to NYC without his wedding band on. Meaning Lourdes and Rocko must be approaching Mordor right about now. (Us Magazine)
• MUSIC NEWS: Heidi Montag would like to record a Christian album, which she will call "Jesus Loves My Rack." (A Socialite's Life)
• 100 Movies in 2 Minutes. Gotta name em all. (Gorillamask)
• SAW 5 TIMES TOO MANY: The new Saw poster is out. And it is more terrifying than you can even imagine.... (Videogum)
• EXTREME MAKEOVER, HOMO EDITION: My friend Derek Hartley reports from Gay Pride Weekend: "I am sooooo burned out right now with pride all weekend long. Ugh. No one needs to be THAT happy about anything for three days. We should have gay pride hour and its just vodka shots at Prada and then we are done. Thats more than plenty!" Click over to his blog for more hilarious musings. (Derek Hartley)

Seriously, is there ever a day where I DON'T see the beloved king of quirky cinema doing Karate Kid moves on top of municipal property? So LA... (via World's Greatest Blogger Kanye West, who prob was really there)

(BWE.tv's summer interns Emmy and Maggie are spectacularly good at finding things on the Internet that actually exist even though they should not. From time to time, we'll be posting these existent things for your consideration.) So if my eyes and "Dentistry's Website" are not deceiving me, it would appear that one can now get permanent tattoos...on their teeth. According to the Tooth Artist, who exists, here's the skinny:

Normally this artwork is done on the back teeth, the molars. Some people prefer having it on the cheek side of the tooth, some on the tongue side. These tattoos are maybe considered a white collar tattoo. They are seen only when the person that has one wants to share what they have, by pulling their cheek out so it could be seen.

Finally, I will be able to pull out my cheek, and expose to whomever I choose a gum-line that's been enhanced by a tiny picture of David Letterman grinning! YES! The day is finally upon. You lame hipsters with your trendy little arm sleeves can just step aside, because you're not really edgy until every molar in your mouth is inked with images of Simon Cowell, a wolf, Tiger Woods and "Bob Dillion", all of which exist, even though they should not.

We all had those days in high school where we were at the end of our rope. Nobody will kiss you, teach is a jerkwad, and these books are laaaaame, man. But very few of us have the guts to turn an exam into an opportunity to show everybody EXACTLY WHO'S BOSS. Well, a high school kid in the U.K. decided to do just that - by writing nothing else on the paper except the words "F*ck" and "off". DAAAAAAAAAAAMN. His teacher, however, turns out to be way more of a badass, because he actually gave the kid credit for the two words, stating, "It would be wicked to give it zero because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling." He brings up a vaild question - what ARE we looking for these days in our high school graduates? - Imaginative, yet subtle, methods for bucking the system - Creative problem solving when the man is bringing them down - A charming, humble attitude that says "I just took a poo on your establishment, now give me ice cream!" I'm SO excited to see the future of this planet, in the hands of these gems.

You know what's funny? When someone presses their face against a pane of glass. (Ed. Note: It can also be disgusting.) You know what's much more hilarious? When animals do the same thing. This post is mostly inspired by the work of a California basset hound named Mr. Hambleypants, and his owner Susan, who takes endless amounts of genius photographs of Hambley furiously licking the backdoor of their home in an effort to be let inside. Thanks to the two of them, I spent the better part of hundreds of hours scouring the internet for the 50 best photographs of animals distorting their faces against panes of glass. And I bring them to you here, in a list I'm calling 50 Animals Squashed Against Glass. You'll notice that lil' Hambley P makes more than a single appearance... Feel free to add him as your Myspace friend. 50. 49. 48. After the jump: 47 MORE ANIMALS with their faces squashed against glass. Seriously. 47. (Is it just me, or does this lion bear a striking resemblance to Jude Law.) 46. 45. 44. 43. 42. 41. 40. 39. 38. 37. 36. 35. 34. 33. 32. 31. 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. (via ICHC) 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. If you liked this, you might also like: 50 Animals with Day Jobs 50 Animals with Drinking Problems 50 Best Pun Stores

1. Shirtless Daniel Craig

2. Car Spinning Out Of Control

3. PG-13 Sex Scene

4. Bond Shooting The Screen

5. Verne Troyer

(Trailer via Moviefone)