Archive for May, 2008



I Have A Good Idea ? Let?s Have Suzanne Somers Interview That Really Sarcastic British Punk Group


h1 Friday, May 30th, 2008

The (awesome) British punk/postpunk group Wire happens to be coming to New York today for a free concert. I mention this not only to break this news to all you Wire fans who didn’t already know this but happen to be checking BWE at 4:30 on a Friday, or to recommend this band to those of you unfamiliar with the group, but, mostly, as a forced segue into the following really awkward interview clip that I saw for the first time earlier this week.

Three things you need to know: 1 – Suzanne Somers used to host a talk show. 2 – Wire is a very sarcastic punk band with ragingly English humor sensibilities. 3 – Someone thought it would be a good idea for the two to exchange banter.

Skip to 4:23, kick back, and take in some sweet “Why does this exist?” awkwardness for the weekend:

QUIZ: How Does Gwyneth Paltrow Stay So Thin?


h1 Friday, May 30th, 2008

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QUIZ: How Does Gwyneth Paltrow Stay So Thin? Does she:

a. Eat air souffles washed down with water enemas?

b. Mow her lawn every day? (That lawn being Central Park.)

c. She doesn’t do anything: She’s been that thin ever since she was born to a family of anemic crickets.

or

d. Work out for 3 hours a day?

(Answer after the jump)

The answer is D! Us Weekly reports:

Want Gwyneth Paltrow’s body? Brace yourself.

“I think she works out three hours a day – which is one of the keys to success,” chef Mario Batali told Usmagazine.com at the opening of the Uncle Ben’s Kids Café in Carson, California, on Wednesday

“If we all did that, we’d all look like Gwyneth Paltrow,” he said. “Or at least closer.”

He added that the Iron Man actress, 35, “loves to eat … and, you know, she never puts on a pound!”

Well, it’s not rocket science I guess. How do you guys stay so thin? Pro-Anas, Lemme hear ya moan!!

A ?Sex And The City? Movie Sequel? Are You Serious?


h1 Friday, May 30th, 2008

Sex and the CityWhen asked if he’d ever consider doing a sequel to the “Sex and the City” movie, producer/director Michael Patrick King fed Variety this disturbingly open-ended line:

“I wrote that movie with a beginning, middle and end because I didn’t want to leave the audience unfulfilled,” he said. “The actresses are great, and if the gods smile and people are still interested, why not?”

…Which means we’re about a year away from the following trailer:

For Carrie and Big, it was a marriage made in New York heaven…

[Shot of Carrie, played by Cameron Diaz, and Big, still played by Chris Noth]

BIG: I love you, baby.

CARRIE: I love you too… baby??? [looks down at stomach, realizes she’s pregnant]

[RECORD SCRATCH — MUSIC: “Baby love, my baby love…”]

CARRIE (at lunch): I hate these pregnancy tests, I can’t just… pee on something.

SAMANTHA: I refuse, unless it’s the guy’s birthday!

[CARRIE CAN’T FIT THE CRIB IN HER APARTMENT]

BIG: We’re gonna need a bigger place. Unless you turn your shoe closet into a nursery.

CARRIE: We’re gonna need a bigger place.

[RECORD SCRATCH — MUSIC: “In a big country, dreams stay with you…”]

This Summer, Carrie’s finding Sex in the… COUNTRY???

STEVE BRADY (now played by Jamie Kennedy): I can help you raise the barn, I grew up on a farrrrr– wha whaa whoaaah!!!!!! [PULLS BARN TOO HARD, PIECE OF LUMBER BREAKS OFF AND HITS HIM IN THE NUTS TO A ‘DOING!’ SOUND EFFECT]

CARRIE: At least it’s not Brooklyn.

Sex and the City 2: Carrie That Baby

CHARLOTTE: How’s living in the country?

[SHOT OF CARRIE FIGHTING A RACCOON WITH HER STILETTO HEELS]

CARRIE: At least there aren’t any cockroaches.

TITLE SCREEN: Coming May 2010

WILLED INTO EXISTENCE BY THE INTERNET: Mulleted Christian Guy Sings Insane Duet With Himself In Scary Baby Voice


h1 Friday, May 30th, 2008

Nothing much happens in the beginning part, but it gets you nice and warmed up for the amazingness that takes place beginning around the 1:20 mark. I have no idea who or what Lil Markie is, or where he’s from, but you simply must know him. (via CultrVultr)

I LIKE TO WATCH: Rambos and Zombies and Woody?s, Oh My


h1 Friday, May 30th, 2008

In this week’s installment of I Like to Watch, the all-too-fresh-faced (seriously, did he get a chemical peel?) Michael Cyril Creighton is back to walk us through this week’s brand new DVD releases. And oh, what a bloody selection: Rambo, Diary of the Dead, and Cassandra’s Dream. Warning: The following video features some extremely unsavory images: Blood, gore, a deaf Amish Man… but if you can make it through to the end, you get a shirtless Ewan McGregs, looking as hairless as the day he was born. Stay Strong.

Katie Goes to Scientology Boot Camp


h1 Thursday, May 1st, 2008
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Tom Cruise finally has the perfect robot wife he’s always wanted — and he’s sure as hell not going to let her get away now. Katie Holmes’ plans to move to New York sans Tommy to star on Broadway were effectively quashed when Tom forced her into “Scientology Boot Camp” last week. Note: this brand of boot camp has nothing to do with saving your wild teen who dresses too sexy. According to Star

Katie was recently secluded for three days at Gold Base, the remote, supersecret Scientology compound in Hemet, California. “It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Katie’s been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight — with little sleep or food.”

Sleep-deprived, food-deprived, and strapped to an E-meter by Tom Cruise’s lunatic minions. Boy, does that ever sound fun! But then again, so does hemorrhoid surgery and third degree burns. How will I ever choose how to spend my summer vacation now? Let’s just ask this shotgun here.

Being lead around at David Beckham’s birthday party April 20th:

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