Celebrity Bathwater

The (awesome) British punk/postpunk group Wire happens to be coming to New York today for a free concert. I mention this not only to break this news to all you Wire fans who didn't already know this but happen to be checking BWE at 4:30 on a Friday, or to recommend this band to those of you unfamiliar with the group, but, mostly, as a forced segue into the following really awkward interview clip that I saw for the first time earlier this week. Three things you need to know: 1 - Suzanne Somers used to host a talk show. 2 - Wire is a very sarcastic punk band with ragingly English humor sensibilities. 3 - Someone thought it would be a good idea for the two to exchange banter. Skip to 4:23, kick back, and take in some sweet "Why does this exist?" awkwardness for the weekend:

QUIZ: How Does Gwyneth Paltrow Stay So Thin? Does she: a. Eat air souffles washed down with water enemas? b. Mow her lawn every day? (That lawn being Central Park.) c. She doesn't do anything: She's been that thin ever since she was born to a family of anemic crickets. or d. Work out for 3 hours a day? (Answer after the jump) The answer is D! Us Weekly reports:

Want Gwyneth Paltrow's body? Brace yourself. "I think she works out three hours a day - which is one of the keys to success," chef Mario Batali told Usmagazine.com at the opening of the Uncle Ben's Kids Café in Carson, California, on Wednesday "If we all did that, we’d all look like Gwyneth Paltrow," he said. "Or at least closer." He added that the Iron Man actress, 35, "loves to eat ... and, you know, she never puts on a pound!"

Well, it's not rocket science I guess. How do you guys stay so thin? Pro-Anas, Lemme hear ya moan!!

When asked if he'd ever consider doing a sequel to the "Sex and the City" movie, producer/director Michael Patrick King fed Variety this disturbingly open-ended line:

"I wrote that movie with a beginning, middle and end because I didn't want to leave the audience unfulfilled," he said. "The actresses are great, and if the gods smile and people are still interested, why not?"

...Which means we're about a year away from the following trailer: For Carrie and Big, it was a marriage made in New York heaven... [Shot of Carrie, played by Cameron Diaz, and Big, still played by Chris Noth] BIG: I love you, baby. CARRIE: I love you too... baby??? [looks down at stomach, realizes she's pregnant] [RECORD SCRATCH -- MUSIC: "Baby love, my baby love..."] CARRIE (at lunch): I hate these pregnancy tests, I can't just... pee on something. SAMANTHA: I refuse, unless it's the guy's birthday! [CARRIE CAN'T FIT THE CRIB IN HER APARTMENT] BIG: We're gonna need a bigger place. Unless you turn your shoe closet into a nursery. CARRIE: We're gonna need a bigger place. [RECORD SCRATCH -- MUSIC: "In a big country, dreams stay with you..."] This Summer, Carrie's finding Sex in the... COUNTRY??? STEVE BRADY (now played by Jamie Kennedy): I can help you raise the barn, I grew up on a farrrrr-- wha whaa whoaaah!!!!!! [PULLS BARN TOO HARD, PIECE OF LUMBER BREAKS OFF AND HITS HIM IN THE NUTS TO A 'DOING!' SOUND EFFECT] CARRIE: At least it's not Brooklyn. Sex and the City 2: Carrie That Baby CHARLOTTE: How's living in the country? [SHOT OF CARRIE FIGHTING A RACCOON WITH HER STILETTO HEELS] CARRIE: At least there aren't any cockroaches. TITLE SCREEN: Coming May 2010

Nothing much happens in the beginning part, but it gets you nice and warmed up for the amazingness that takes place beginning around the 1:20 mark. I have no idea who or what Lil Markie is, or where he's from, but you simply must know him. (via CultrVultr)

In this week's installment of I Like to Watch, the all-too-fresh-faced (seriously, did he get a chemical peel?) Michael Cyril Creighton is back to walk us through this week's brand new DVD releases. And oh, what a bloody selection: Rambo, Diary of the Dead, and Cassandra's Dream. Warning: The following video features some extremely unsavory images: Blood, gore, a deaf Amish Man... but if you can make it through to the end, you get a shirtless Ewan McGregs, looking as hairless as the day he was born. Stay Strong.

Just a little heads up: I will be liveblogging the MTV Movie Awards hosting by Mike Myers this Sunday at 8! The Movie Awards can always be counted on for hilarious spoofs and unhinged (read: drunk) celebrities, so we figured why not bring live commentary throughout. Check out Bestweekever.tv this Sunday night at 8, tune your sets to MTV, and check out MTV.com for a list of the nominees. (Though, let's face it, this competition is pretty fixed.) For now, let's speculate: Has Mike Myers had some work done? Seriously, he looks 12.

SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com We have no further comment. (via Gorillamask)