Monday, December 31st, 2007
Monday, December 31st, 2007
Blanket exacts his revenge on Jacko with a punch to the face. (Pretty Boring)
Finally, a movie that encapsulates a Colbert-like truthiness and sense of levity. (Pajiba)
Frankie Muniz can’t keep a job or a house. (Jossip)
The many faces of Homer Simpson. (CityRag)
Paris Hilton tries to work her disease magic on K-Fed. (Seriously? OMG)
Nicky Hilton! Bikini! (The Grumpiest)
Pics of Mischa Barton leaving jail dressed as a babushka. (Evil Beet)
Monday, December 31st, 2007
So let's pretend you're Zach Braff and I'm this impossibly quirky-but-troubled indie chick who just stumbled into your life at the most unexpected time, and as you're trying to figure me out, I hand my big headphones over to share with you the songs, movies and TV shows of 2007 that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I suggest standing in the rain and crying while you read this.
***The Top 10 Songs That Will CHANGE YOUR LIFE***
10. "Pace Is The Trick" by Interpol - I feel like this album sort of got unfairly written off, but then again I might be the only one who still enjoys Droning Sleazy Subway Rock as a musical genre.
9. "Nothin' No" by David Vandervelde - Trying to sound like Bowie is a dangerous proposition for even the most talented artist, but David Vandervelde infuses just enough originality in his homages to 70's glam rock to keep things awesome.
8. "My Old Ways" by Dr. Dog - As the first three selections (this one included) on my list demonstrate, sometimes there's nothing wrong with being derivative. Dr. Dog sounds like the best parts of The Beach Boys and The Beatles, and this song makes me feel like I made the right choice by becoming a boring old yuppie.
7. "Heart Made Of Sound" by SoftLightes - This is one of those songs that most of my friends have never heard, but whenever it comes on, they all want to know who it is. A bit Braffian maybe, but the song sounds too good to hold that against it.
6. "Hurt Me Soul" by Lupe Fiasco - Attention: obligatory hip-hop song on a white indie rock nerd's year-end music list! But seriously, this track is amazing and I listened to it a million times this year.
5. "The Well and the Lighthouse" by Arcade Fire - I could have put any of the songs from Neon Bible on this list, because the album is that good, but I chose this one because I like the way this morality fable (whose message is vital to our apathetic generation) is told in such a toe-tapping, snappy manner.
4. "Poison Cup" by M. Ward - This is simply one of the best love songs I've heard in a long time.
3. "I Made A Resolution" by Sea Wolf - Just in time for New Year's Eve!
2. "New York I Love You" by LCD Soundsystem - This goes to show how much of a cranky misanthropic asshole I am, to pick the sad piano dirge about the death of culture in New York City among an entire album's worth of brain-exploding party anthems.
1. "Bullets" by Tunng. - I literally cannot stop listening to this track on repeat, which I don't think I've done since "November Rain" came out when I was 12. My constantly listening to this would probably be driving my fiancee and friends crazy if it wasn't such a f*cking amazing song.
**Alex's Top 5 Movies of 2007 That Will CHANGE YOUR LIFE**
5. The Lookout - No big stars, no big fuss, just a great little movie with style and suspense to spare. Netflix this one if you missed it in theaters.
4. I'm Not There - Granted, I'm Not There will likely be enjoyed only be the most hardcore Dylan fan (and the inexplicable, totally unnecessary Richard Gere portion by no one at all), but I am that fan, and despite its aforementioned Gere problem, I loved this movie for its daring, unconventional method of examining the life of the most inscrutable rock genius of our time. And Cate Blanchett deserves every ounce of the awards buzz she's getting for this.
3. Into the Wild - Seeing as how it happens to be my own private fantasy to one day stop writing this bullsh*t for you guys, sell all my worldly possessions, donate the money charity, then disappear to live a more natural life of simplicity in the mountains, I was particularly drawn to the subject matter of this film, which was directed by Sean Penn, but amazingly lacks his ham-handed political soap-boxing. The performances are all amazing, and despite being incredibly sad, the story was relentlessly entertaining.
2. No Country For Old Men - I'm in perfect agreement with everything my blogging cohorts have already said about this film. It's about as close to perfection as 
one can expect from the cinema these days, and the badass badassitude of Anton Chigurh alone all but makes up for that "Ladykillers" blemish on the Coen Brothers' 20 year-long pristine directorial resume.
1. The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford - The stunning cinematography, the innovative soundtrack, the devastating performances, the tension and excitement of story about a group of best friends who are also merciless killers, and that story being told in a manner that is almost poetic? Everything about this movie worked together like a perfect equation for total awesomeness. Not to mention that it has one of the coolest movie titles I've heard in years.
Movies I Haven't Seen Yet But Suspect Might've Made The List: There Will Be Blood, The Diving Bell & The Butterfly, The Savages, Michael Clayton, The Bratz Movie
Honorable Mentions: Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Zodiac, 300, Paris, je t'aime, , American Gangster, Ratatouille
**Alex's Top 5 Television Shows of 2007 That Will CHANGE YOUR LIFE**
5. Paula's Party - If the Food Network is like pornography for your stomach, this is the filthiest, sexiest, steamiest stomach porn you can find. It's all butter-fried crispy cheese & bacon, which I could never actually bring myself to eat, but somehow savor when the world's friendliest gradma is shoving it into people's mouths on television. I watch it secretly, alone, with the volume on low, like some kind of pervy truck driver sneaking into a nudie booth at 2 in the morning.
4. Heroes - I try to look past people's problems and see the best in them, which is how this show still made it onto my list despite blowing my sky-high expectations for it with a bunch of lame teen romance subplots and a hopeless addiction to adding more and more characters. The show started to show some promise towards the latter part of the season, which was cut short because of the strike, meaning that it was effectively saved by the bell. You'd better impress me in '08, Heroes, or you're going back on the bench.
3. 30 Rock - Sorry Scranton, but my TV office of choice happens to be right here in Manhattan.
2. Friday Night Lights - As someone who openly hates sports, I would never have expected that one my favorite television shows would end up being about a high school football team in rural Texas. And the irony is that dorky Blue State blogger-types like myself seem to be the only ones watching this show, while the middle-American suburb-dwellers who stereotypically tend to enjoy things like football and cheerleading are, for some reason, not tuning in. Weird.
1. The Wire - You're probably sick of people like me saying this to you, but this is the greatest television show in the history of the medium and you owe it yourself and to me to get on board and watch it already.
Monday, December 31st, 2007
You might remember I brought you a little taste of American Idol cast off Constatine Maroulis rocking out in an Ohio Steinmart last month. Well, don’t think the party stops there, my friends, because it doesn’t. The crazy train makes a stop at a “To Be Announced” and then a Borders bookstore late January, after having finished a two-month stint calling bingo in a casino in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Oh, yes. Bingo. I’m pretty sure the next two rungs on that ladder of success are “singing the jingle for Simon’s Septic Tank Uncloggers” and “amateur gay porn shot in your mom’s basement.” I say 2008 is the year of the Maroulis!
Monday, December 31st, 2007
Lindsay Lohan spent the weekend slutting it up at a film festival in Capri, and the paparazzi captured it all on film for your judging pleasure. Female First says
First she was pictured kissing Italian waiter Alessandro Di Nunzio soon after arriving on the island on Friday, before sharing a kiss with actor Eduardo Costa the following day. The 21-year-old actress was then caught on camera yesterday morning canoodling with actor Dario Faiella.
An onlooker said: “Lindsay is really enjoying herself in Capri. She wasn’t content to just share a kiss with one man - it seemed like she was on a mission. She doesn’t seem to have had any time for anything but men since she got here.”
That’s just the ones the photographers caught her groping. God knows how many slipped into her leggings unnoticed. That Lohan can sniff out an unsuspecting penis from a hundred paces — even the dark and blindfolded. I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that Native Americans used her vagina to divine for semen and aborted fetuses hidden among the deltas of the mighty Mississippi. Every good Choctaw knows there’s nothing like a couple of chunks of baby floating in a bucket of ejaculate to appease the great Hushtahli from withholding the rain, and Lindsay Lohan can’t turn around without stepping in one. And then, when it finally does rain, the firecrotch makes a great makeshift tent to shelter the entire tribe from the storm. Form AND function, boys and girls. It’s kinda like how the Native American used every part of the buffalo, even down to the intestines and hooves. After Lindsay had sex with it first, of course. Ancient talismans always get first dibs!
Monday, December 31st, 2007
Nicole Kidman is finally pregnant! Or not! Or lying about it! The Daily Mail reports
Nicole Kidman and her husband of 18 months are expecting their first baby. The Oscar-winning actress and Keith Urban, the country and western singer she calls the “love of my life”, broke the news to their families over the Christmas holiday.
But Nic’s publicist responded (via People magazine)
“It is incorrect. She must have had about 30 babies by now. It’s the silly season. As far as we’re concerned, it’s another rumor out of London.”
Pregnant or not, if she wants to have a baby, she’d better get on it. At 40, “silly season” turns into “menopause season” real quick. Botox doesn’t fool your uterus, you know!
Nicole at the Sydney Children’s Hospital screening of “The Golden Compass” December 18th
Monday, December 31st, 2007
Behold, my list of reordered hipster goodness mixed with things that are deliberately non-hipster in order to reaffirm said hipsterness, topped off with, well, a bunch of things I just really happened to enjoy this year. I'll let you figure out which picks fall into which category (Answers at the bottom!):
Top 5 (Hundred) Songs
5. "Rain" by Bishop Allen - Why is it that I instantly rip on any movie that feels the slightest bit unoriginal, yet I'll happily listen to 3-minute pop songs about "rain" again and again and again? Does that mean I'm not a complete A-hole? Or maybe that makes me more of an A-hole? Man, I am complicated.
4. "The Underdog" by Spoon - Was never a big Spoon man before this year (meaning, I didn't literally play the spoons), but I greatly enjoyed Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. Wasn't too big on that Jason Lee movie this song inspired, though.
3. "Sunndal Song" by Apples In Stereo - Not much to say about this track other than it's super catchy, it's super likable, and eff the music blogs for not at least giving Apples In Stereo some love on their Songs of the Year lists.
2. "Australia" by The Shins - "Garden State" sequel, anyone? Starring the two leads from "Cruel Intentions 2"?
1. "374 Wave Backwards to Massachusetts" by Hallelujah The Hills - The thing I miss most about doing the daily "Listen Up" feature was finding random, hidden gems like this one; what I miss least about the feature was coming up with a different New Pornographers joke twice a week. More like... OLD... Pornographers...... See?
Honorable Mentions:
"A Bottle of Buckie" by Ted Leo
"O Valencia!" by The Decemberists
"Climbing The Walls" by They Might Be Giants
"Good Day" by Jukebox the Ghost
"The Year Before The Year 2000" by Les Savy Fav
"Weird Fishes / Arpeggi" by Radiohead
"Fireworks" by Animal Collective
"It Won't Be Long" by The Hives
"Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse" by Of Montreal
"Melody Day" by Caribou
And what the hell, Favorite Albums, for the record:
5. Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends
4. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
3. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer
2. Feist - The Reminder
1. Radiohead - In Rainbows
And these five comedy cds
Top 5 Movies, bearing in mind I haven't seen "Knocked Up" or like thirteen of the fifteen Oscar movies that just came out these past two weeks:
5. Hot Fuzz - Just a straight-up, super enjoyable comedy that wasn't made by Judd Apatow or Will Ferrell. Though if someone tells me in the comments that Simon Pegg is actually Will Ferrell, I'll be like 3% surprised.
4. The King of Kong - The nerdy dude running around telling everyone "Donkey Kong kill screen coming up" was easily the hardest I laughed at a movie all year, excluding everything that happened in "Rise of the Silver Surfer."
3. Ratatouille - The last ten minutes of this film were the happiest I have ever been sitting in a movie theater. I hope I grow up to be the world's richest man so I can just give all my money to Brad Bird, who deserves it more than any other human.
2. No Country For Old Men - Can we coin the term "Tommy Lee Jones" for an actor who stars in one awesome movie, wins an Oscar, does absolute garbage for the next fourteen years, then suddenly stars in two frickin' amazing films in the same year? For example, "Cuba Gooding Jr. is totally pulling a Tommy Lee Jones, minus the second part!"
1. Superbad - This movie was so damn good, instead of calling it "Superbad," it should be called "Goodperbad". I know that's an unwieldy title, but just trust me on this one.
Honorable Mention: "American Gangster." Also, I didn't see "Knocked Up" yet for some reason, that'd probably be on here too.
Top 5 TV Shows:
5. The Office - My own little secret. You people should really check this show out.
4. Planet Earth - Quite possibly the best fantasy film ever made; those CGI'd sequences of lions attacking elephants and monkeys diving underwater to grab fish were reeeeeeediculous.
3. 30 Rock - May have surpassed "The Office" in terms of laugh lines per episode, which is no small feat. Well, it's a small feat when "The Office" isn't airing new episodes, but whatever.
2. Lost - Remember when we kept complaining in Season Two that nothing was happening week after week? Don't we all feel like jerks now?
1. The Sopranos - Finale arguments aside, the second to last episode of this series was the most tense episode of television I've ever watched. I just thank God Patsy survived. Oh, sh*t, sorry - spoiler alert.
* And the answer was: everything falls into that first category. So if you had "reordered hipster goodness" in your office pool, congratulations!
Feedback and your own best ofs are welcome in the comments.