Celebrity Bathwater

Celebrity Bathwaterâ„¢ encourages you to put your favorite celebrities in a place where you can ogle them constantly without fear of anyone seeing (except for maybe the person who uses the computer to the left of you at work)

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Today, Chocolate Skeletor herself Star Jones has finally admitted to having gastric bypass surgery 4 years ago, an operation which was kept secret, despite the ex-View talk show host looking more and more like a plum under a magnifying glass in direct sunlight with every passing day. She also tells People Magazine the secret behind her initial succes: "To compensate for my insecurities, I spoke louder and ate more." On second thought, she really didn't have to say that as we already kinda knew it. In any event, Star's secret-keeping power doesn't end there! Turns out she's letting loose a whole bevy of secrets that have been weighing down her breasts-like-sandwich-bags-chest. Here's a list of some other things Star Jones is finally admitting to:

• In 1998, Star saw a toddler sitting on a curb and crying. In the little boy's hand was an ice cream cone, and on the street, the scoop of now melted dessert. "Are you Ok?" asked Star. "No, my ice cream fe--" and before the little boy could finish what he was saying, Star snatched him up and ate him whole.
• Star's husband, Al Reynolds, does not like to have sex with her vaginally. Instead, he grabs their poolboy from the backyard, puts him over Star, and has sex with the poolboy. This arrangement worked out quite nicely until Star began her extreme weight loss, and her body became -- according to Pedro, the young handsome pool man -- "mush too boh-nee to lay down on. Like a matt-rress made out of un cadáver de los muertos."
• This isn't the first surgery Star has undergone. When she was a child, doctors had to be flown in from Asia to sever of what was referred to as "four additional devil teets" found on her abdomen.
• Star and Al once went to a clinic to have a pregnancy terminated before their wedding. When the doctor took a closer look, he discovered that Star had, in fact, just swallowed a chicken whole.
• Her hair? Totally fake.
• And her husband is gay.

(Photo via Getty Images)

• It's about time someone finally got around to figuring out how our astronauts can look hot and sexy in space. That way they won't have to get so drunk to have crazy affairs that end in wearing diapers and trying to kidnap each other.
• If there is really such a thing as Vegansexuals, I suppose next we'll have to prepare ourselves for Carnivorapists?
• Someone stole the identity of a prize-winning poodle. After an intense investigation by McGruff the crime dog, the culprits turned out to be teenage kids who had been peer-pressured into smoking pot, then subsequently thought it would be hilarious to steal a poodle's identity.
• Today's sad breast cancer annoucement might have put a little damper on Robin Roberts' "Good Morning" to America.
• Then again, maybe I shouldn't be pointing any fingers.

(pic via MIT News)

When Joan Rivers guest-hosting on "The View" this morning, you can count on her to say something a little racy and maybe get some carefree giggles from the lightheated "View" audience. Instead, this morning, she provided us with a mental image that would give our nightmares nightmares and our erotic dreams sooper-dooper nightmares. Am I being too dramatic? Decide for yourself:

Anyone who's not excited about R. Kelly's upcoming chapters to the "Trapped in the Closet" series needs to go purchase the dvd immediately, watch it the whole way through with Director's Commentary on, and.... well, that's it, cause after you do those two steps, you'll be on the winning team. STEREOGUM teases the closet-rhyming events to come:

R. Kelly - Trapped In The Closet: Chapter 13 Preview

In his divine providence, bless his heart, R. Kelly is treating us to another series of installments (Chapters 13-22) from the best serialized hip-hopera thine eyes have ever seen. Yes that means more from cheating Bridget and her paramour, the midget ("that shitted on [him]self"), the spatula waving neighbor, the homosexual deacon, and the other sordid figments of Kelly's overactive, sexed-up imagination. As a gift to you, the closet Closet fans, he's put together this little preview of Chapter 13. But this is R. Sylvester Kelly, so it ain't a recap without sung dialogue and a fat booty beat. Oh, shit.

If you need a refresher, here's your YouTube roadmap: Chapters 1-5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. Or, just read the Cliff's Notes. And if we're lucky, this all will yield even more installments of Trapped In The CLAUSet.

Trapped In The Closet: Chapters 13-22 will be out on DVD 8/21. You're psyched.

If you're anything like me (read: finally lobotomized after weeks on end of polluting your mind with only tabloid news), Where's Britney?, the latest game over at World Series of Pop Culture, is just the kind of mindless entertainment you'll be looking for on a late Tuesday afternoon that seems like it's never going to end. The game is wonderfully, delightfully, even moronically simple - you just look at pictures of a whole bunch of people, then try to point out which of them are celebrities. So you can just sit there in your cubicle, slack-jawed and drooling, clicking on people you recognize from having wasted way too much of your life reading this pop-crusted little blog of ours. May the best person with a complete lack of applicable worldly knowledge win!

This clip of indie director Tom DiCillo accosting Steve Buscemi, who stars in DiCillo's latest film Delerious, at a junket for Buscemi's other new film Interview, and becoming increasingly surly about the actor's willingness (or lack thereof) to promote the film they collaborated on, is interesting for a number of reasons. On one hand, it could be a genuine piece of Hollywood behind-the-scenes blow-ups in the vein of David O. Russell flipping out on Lily Tomlin during I Heart Huckabees. Or, it could be a shrewdly calculated and executed piece of stunt marketing in which Buscemi and DiCillo knowingly acted out this artsy slap-fight in hopes of it becoming viral enough to generate some free publicity (which it now is) for thier no-budge little indie flick. Either way, it's still sort of interesting to watch, though I doubt I'll be seeing Delerious anytime prior to its arrival in my Netflix queue.