Celebrity Bathwater

Having sold every iPhone available in less than 24 hours, Steve Jobs took to the stage today to exult in the great news for Apple. Before leaving the stage, he pulled the typical "OH, and one more thing..." Steve Jobs move, and announced "iPhone v. 2.0, available in September." Just kidding... but you're not really surprised, are you?

• Stephen Colbert becomes a 2-D sci fi hero in a comic book he's overseeing: Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen. And EW has a preview of it. Take that Jon Stewart!
• Who are these people who have nothing more pressing to do then camp out for an iPhone? Apparently one is the mayor of Philadelphia. Thank you, Philly taxpayers, for subsidizing this man's wait time.
• You've long wondered about your friend's dog: Was it born this stupid, or did your friend do something to make it that way? Try checking this list of the Top 10 Least Intelligent Dogs. If your friend's dog is an Afghan Hound, you can be pretty sure the stupidity is inborn.
• Meet the family who keep a hippopotamus in their house as a pet. It's like having a life-size version of Hungry Hungry Hippos--except in this game the hippo might accidentally eat your sofa. Includes video!
• So a guy wakes up in Florida and asks his wife to take him to the hospital because he has a terrible headache. Once there the nurse quickly discovers the problem: He'd been shot in the head. And didn't know it. But it gets better. Who shot him? His wife. She claims she shot him "by accident" while he was sleeping, and then was so upset by the incident, didn't bother telling him about it. I'm no marriage counselor, but this is probably a sign that it's time for a divorce.

Check out this Fox News reporter in front of the line of people waiting for iPhones at New York's Apple Store. She starts her interview with Newsweek tech columnist Stephen Levy by joking, "We're going to need some security around here probably." Turns out that's one of the more truthful statements ever uttered on Fox News, although not for the reason she was expecting. Levy is one of only four journalists in the country who was given an early version of the iPhone and he whipped it out of his pocket. People are lined up for blocks to buy the phone. It's going for over $1,000 on eBay. And Levy's just dangling it out there--it looks like he doesn't even have a good grip on it. So what happens? As the two are talking, some guy walks behind them and grabs... the reporter's microphone! It's a sad statement about the education system in our country that our youth aren't even smart enough to figure out what's best to steal... (Video courtesy of the sharp eyes at TMZ .)

• Greg Oden of Ohio State was selected first overall by Portland in last night's NBA Draft, followed by fellow superprospect Kevin Durant, who went to Seattle. The Atlanta Hawks had asked Seattle for cut-sies, but the Sonics didn't buy it.
• A makeup lady is suing ESPN for sexual harrassment, claiming that "Around the Horn" regular Woody Paige once grabbed her backside so forcefully, it "propelled her forward and into the air." Jay Mariotti immediately disagreed, saying Woody should have tried to grab her chest, and both panelists were immediately muted and docked two points.
• Mark Messier, the NHL's #2 all-time leading scorer, was voted into the Hockey Hall of Fame, along with Ron Francis, Scott Stevens, and Al MacInnis. The Rangers will celebrate Messier's induction with tributes at 20 home games next season, an increase from the 15 Messier tribute nights from the '06-'07 season.
• In a week full of baseball milestones, Frank Thomas slammed his 500th career home run and Craig Biggio reached the 3,000 hit plateau. Both events somehow re-ignited debate about whether or not Sammy Sosa used steroids.
• And in the bizarre story of the week, an anonymous user admitted that when he altered Chris Benoit's Wikipedia article before the body was discovered, he was just basing it on speculation. The user claimed that he was randomly reading the Wikipedia for P.T. Barnum to put off writing a term paper, which linked to an article about elephants, which linked to an article about the history of the African savannah, and, long story short, he ended up altering the Benoit page.

No doubt you already have plans for the fourth of July, and no doubt they already include flipping on ESPN at noon EST for the Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest. There is no better way to celebrate what makes this country great than to sit back and watch grown men eat so many hot dogs that it makes you want to vomit. And this year’s contest was shaping up to be the sporting event of the decade. In a qualifying round, the world record of six-time defending champ Takeru Kobayashi had finally been demolished by American Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, who deep throated 59.5 hot dogs. On the fourth, the two were set to face off in a gurgitation grudge match. But now: Tragedy. While training, Kobayashi was struck down with a chewing-related injury that will severly limit his chomping abilities. While Kobayashi will still attempt to compete, his level of ingestion will surely fail to reach epic levels. This changes everything. For insight into what to expect now from the contest, we e-mailed some questions to Crazy Legs Conti, the most colorful pro-eater on the circuit and star of the awesome documentary Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating. (The DVD of which has just become available.) Here’s what he had to say: With Kobayashi on the DL, why should we even bother watching the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest this year? Don't think the contest is simply the Joey/Koby show. Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti will become only the third gurgitator in history to hit the fifty hbd mark. Tim "Eater X" Janus will likely hit forty-five. Two slender females, Sonya" The Black Widow" Thomas and Juliet Lee could win beauty contests, but instead both will eat dozens more hot dogs and buns than men four times their size. Also after a two-year hiatus, baked bean sprinter Dale "The Mouth from the South" Boone returns to the final table. For those fans who watch ice skating for the spills and car racing for the crashes, I am making a bold prediction: Boone is known for his hair trigger epiglottis. He will hit the eight-minute wall hard and nitrates will mix with the enzymes in his body causing the meat sweats. All I can say to those fans in the spray zone in front of Boone is...wear a raincoat. My guess is at 8:33 of the contest, Boone will suffer a urge contrary to swallowing that will rival a Shamu cannonball at SeaWorld. Sadly, I'll probably be eating next to him and he'll stiff me on the dry cleaning bill. For those unfamiliar with the sport, can you take a moment and talk technique? I've eaten in over a hundred different foods in competition, and hot dogs and buns are the hardest. As good as a Nathan's dog is, after 20 or so, you get an overwhelmingly potent meat taste. Also, while dunking the buns is great to help lubricate the throat, the buns taste like soggy packing material. This year I am working on widening the surface area of the bun by turning it inside out. "Reverse bunning", I call it, and I think even casual diners will start eating with the technique. On the cover of your new DVD, Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating, you seem to be naked. What's up with that? It was the rare opportunity to combine my passion for pro-eating with one of my strange New York Jobs (posing nude for studio art classes). I am naked behind a mountain of all the food I've consumed competitively over my five-year career. The DVD is stuffed with extras, contest footage, commentaries. For the ladies there is a DVD extra of me in a speedo hanging out a window ledge eating a dozen doughnuts. What does it mean that the new DVD is being presented in Taste-O-Vision? Much in the spirit of Odorama or Wonkavision, Taste-o-Vision is a new way to experience film – It’s like having a movie in your mouth. What you see me eat on screen, you get to taste at home. There is more scientific info at www.taste-o-vision.com and we have a screening planned at the Tribeca Cinemas in NYC on July 26th where the audience will receive color-coded jelly beans for flavors like hot dog, oyster and sushi. I know Taste-O-Vision is going to take off and I am predicting that soon, all Hollywood films will be released with a Taste-O-Vision option. Everything except porn. For anyone looking to meet Crazy Legs in person: On July 28th, he’ll be in Brownsville, OR,--the city where they filmed Stand By Me—recreating the film’s epic blueberry pie eating contest. Corey Feldman will be acting as head judge. No word yet on whether it will be a total barforama.

• Here's a question: If OJ Simpson didn't in fact write a single word of his "fictional" murder confession If I Did It, and instead used a ghostwriter, is it maybe, just maybe, possible that that ghostwriter was Nicole Brown?
• Us Weekly quickly turns into our favorite tabloid, with editor-in-chief Janice Min insisting that they won't put a single story about Paris Hilton in their magazine this week. You can buy the special edition 3-page pamphlet on newstands this Friday.
• And because we hate ourselves: Paris Hilton celebrated her release from prison by hiring a hair extension connector and makeup artist to make the heiress feel pretty again. We're sure she was praying very loudly and singing Jesus soft rock the entire time.
• Lindsay Lohan loved rehab so much, she just extended her stay. Though we have a feeling it's only because no other house/apartment building on earth wants her business.
• Rosie O'Donnell explains the disturbing image of her daughter Vivi wearing a Rambo-esque bullet sash -- they were just playing another round of "Let's Start an Insane Internet Controversy." Good enough for us.