Celebrity Bathwater

• METHOD ACTING: Did Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen actually go all the way during their sex scene? I don't know, but I definitely went all the way watching it. (NY Daily News)
• CAN'T BE BOUGHT: K-Fed turned down Britney's $25 million divorce settlement offer. Because K-Fed can't be bought! Or sold. (A Socialite's Life)
• OUR KINDA GIRL: Lindsay Lohan texted Brody Jenner that all she wants is "McDonalds and sex." From rehab. I can't wait to bring her home to mom. (Us)
• BOSTON SUCKS: Name another city that could be brought to its knees by Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock? (Pop Candy)
• ESSENTIAL MOVIE WRAP-UP: The Oscars? Yeah right. Everything you need to know about 2006 is right here, assuming you can understand what he's saying. (Thighs Wide Shut)

"But of course he's seen a talk show!" you say. Then I'm like "Really? That's funny, because check this out!" And then you're all "Click play": We know he's busy, but what did he just save? Like 5 seconds? On second though, that's about $4 million in Bill Gates time. Ne'er mind. (With thanks to Valleywag)

We've learned that yesterday's rumor about the producers of American Idol reaching out to Courtney Love and offering her Paula Abdul's vodka-soaked chair at the judges table was in fact false. But it did get us thinking - who else WOULD be a satisfactory replacement for the reality juggernaut's most sobriety-challenged judge? Here's who we came up with: Nominee: Whitney Houston Pros: She's the reason all these contestants believe they're future. Also, she could use the cash. Cons: She would mostly likely use the cash to buy crack. Nominee: Lindsay Lohan Pros: She's shares Paula's love of the drink and has first-hand knowledge of how to record and put out an album despite not having any discernible musical talent. Cons: The rehab thing is a big question mark. Nobody wants to watch her break down in tears once an episode so she can "make amends" with Simon. Nominee: Tara Reid Pros: With the exception of the occasional "dry-hump gangbang" here and there, she seems just about ready to get her "smiling and trying to look pretty on camera" career back on track. Cons: Idol's idea of "judging qualifications" are pretty loose, but come on. Nominee: MC Skat Kat Pros: Amazing rapping/dancing skills, not to mention the ability to defy all known laws of physics. Cons: Does not exist outside of Paula's drug-induced hallucinations. Nominee: George Michael Pros: He's the gay male version of Paula Abdul - a popular musician in the 80's who's become a drug-and-alcohol addled parody of themselves. Cons: Would likely be too busy fantasizing about getting Simon Cowell into a dark public park to actually pay attention to the Idol performers.

Only a few weeks ago, we discovered the endless beauty that is Zarf, the only transgendered character on daytime tv's All My Children. We were never soap opera people, but somehow Zarf/Zoe pulled us into a world of sensitivity and misunderstanding. When he was being accused of murdering various townspeople, we knew he was innocent. When he was locked up in jail, we made little "Free Zarf" signs, glued them onto toothpicks, and stuck them in our lunchtime paninis. When he sang, we wept. And when Adam kicked the ess outta him, we, too, bruised. But it seems that ABC is slowly writing Zarf out of the show. While the rest of the cast hunts the town killer, it seems the writers are looking to move Zarf to an outside location to avoid any unnecessary attention. Well if it's unnecessary attention you don't want ABC, it's unnecessary attention we will give. Because, as God is our witness, if you continue leaving Zarf off the screen, we will be forced to stop watching the show altogether. Do you want ABC to "Bring Back Zarf"? Then do us a favor: Then post it to your blogs. Add it to your Livejournals. E-mail it to friends and family. IM it to your Mom. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can bring back Zarf. Click Here to Sign the Petition! And click here to familiarize yourselves with the man... er, person... if you haven't already.

We're posting this picture just to answer the question, "If everybody else jumped off a bridge would you jump too?" In this case, everybody else is every single blog on the internet, the act of jumping is posting this picture of Jessica Biel's ass, and the bridge is... um. You know, I'm not sure what the bridge is. Just stare at this picture and forget everything I said. For more, visit I Don't Like You In That Way... or any blog you could think of that's written by either a horny straight guy, a gay dude, or a jealous woman. Just take your pick.

Nobody hates fratty drinking games more than myself (not including this past Thanksgiving, when I was roped into a game of beer pong against my will, mind you, only to find that I had a preturnatual talent for landing neon balls in faraway cups, a skill you would think I had learned back in college, but then you would be mistaken as I went to a school full of anti-frat nerds. Point being I hated beer pong until I actually tried it, and now it's "not so bad." This information shall, of course, not be repeated.) Moving along, it wasn't until earlier today that a drinking game so caught our fancy that we were forced to pour the current martini we were nusring in some urine sample cups and down them right here at our desk. The game is called DRINKO, a play off of The Price Is Right's Plinko (Best Game Ever? Yes.) The game is simple: Drop a little colored chip (which you presumably win from a tiny lazy-susanned price game run by a blonde dwarf) into the pegs, watch as it works its way down the board and lands in a shot, remove chip, and drink shot. The saddest thing about this whole affair? The Drinko Amazon.com page has only one related search: Father's Day. Sob. Double sob? Target has stopped selling it. Where the hell can a damn young lady buy Drinko these days? We wanna try to get in a few rounds with Bob Barker before he... you know... "goes." (via TVTattle)