Top Chef. It's sort of like
Project Runway, but for heterosexuals. Well, bi-sexuals at least. The point is this "meat & potatoes" culinary competition show is every bit as entertaining and addictive as its fabulously flamboyant, stylishly sequined Bravo counterpart. Yet for whatever reason, I never seem to hear anyone talking about it, which makes me worry that people are missing some of the best TV available right now, which is why I've compiled this list of 5 reasons you should be watching
Top Chef:
1. The Show Is Like Porn For Your Stomach - Who cares who can design the best Futuristic Pant Suit, no real person would ever wear that sh*t. But I guarantee you that I would murder
Cliff's Fish Sticks and Mac & Cheese faster than you can say "tartar sauce".
2. Tom Colicchio Is the Most Loveable Asshole I've Ever Seen - No matter how funny his voice might be,
Tim Gunn is a pansy. But like a white, balding Rick James, NY restauranteur and celebrity chef
Tom Colicchio has such an arrogant "I don't give a sh*t about you" kind of attitude that you can't help but love him. Watching my man T. Clicks relentlessly belittle the blundering chef wannabes with his passive-aggressive nature and his smug little smile is truly one of television's great pleasures. Also, he's an even
crankier blogger than I am.
3. Padma Lakshmi Is One Hot Masala - After last season, the producers made the wise decision to replace original eye-candy host
Billy Joel's Wife (aka "Dead Eyes") with
Salman Rushdie's Wife, a host who manages to be as intelligent as she is
stunning. I never agreed with the Muslims' fatwa on
Salman until I saw his wife...
naked (NSFW, sorta).
4. Michael the Frat Dude Is Amazing - Now I don't watch a lot of reality television because I don't find the idea of dumb people desperately competing for attention to be particularly appealing, but dammit if I don't love
Michael the Frat Dude. This completely out-of-his-league Sacramento suburbanite - with his startling lack of self-awareness, adorable threats to fight Colicchio, and incessant use of the words "Dude" and "Bro" - is a bonafide Champion of Reality TV Programming, and stuns me week after week with his inexplicable ability to not get voted off the show.
5. The Absurd Cooking Challenges - Whether it's cooking for surprisingly picky firemen,
Stifler's Mom's dinner party, or a bunch of teenage girls at a fat camp (seriously), the show's producers manage to continually outdo themselves with their ridiculous scenarios in which the contestants must compete. I'm still waiting for the "Pizza and Ice Cream for the anorexic models backstage at
Project Runway" challenge.