Live-Blogging the VMA?s
Thursday, August 31st, 2006
8:51 - First Jack Black chokes, and now Sarah Silverman does a sketch about Lance Bass‘ month-old confession of penis-love that ends up being about as funny as tortured kittens? Dane Cook must be lurking around back stage, rubbing his unfunniness onto the few talented performers MTV has suckered into this place. It’s the only explanation.
8:45 - Why the f*ck could Kelly Clarkson “not make it tonight” to accept her award? Since when is she that big/busy of a star? 50 Cent said he’d “hold on to it for her”, so I’d hate to know what she’s gonna have to do to get it back.
8:35 - The jackasses from Jackass 2, several of whom are inexplicably nude, perform an ill-conceived stunt in which one of them gets shocked and the others laugh, along with two stoned community college students tuning in from Pueblo, Colorado.
8:32 - Shakira is performing, and somewhere nearby NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg is unable to contain his agonized moans of longing.
8:18 - Having procured my six-pack of Sparks and some Tandoori chicken, I am now safely within the confines of Vh1 studios (yeah, we didn’t get invited to our own awards show), prepared to provide for you my up-to-the-minute thoughts on the 2006 Most Important Night In History. Sorry I’m late, so, what’d we miss? Jack Black somehow managed to not be funny. The Raconteurs and Lou Reed played the world’s shortest version of “White Light, White Heat”, someone let Lil’ Kim out of prison, and James Blunt just won an award. It’s gonna be an awesome night.

