Celebrity Bathwater

Ahh… Reminisce with me just for a second, back to those good old days when Lindsay Lohan was a hot red head, didn’t have Paris Hilton’s phone number, and still hadn’t realized cocaine was a helluva drug.

Remember the olden days? Someone would break into your car and steal your stereo. You were bummed, but decided to find a good deal on a used one. You searched pawn shops and flea markets all over town, and finally found one comparable to yours for a decent price. In fact, it was the exact same model as the one that was stolen from you, and it had that same coffee stain from the time you braked too hard, and it had your name scratched into the side, just like yours. Indeed, this was your stolen stereo, and you had to buy it back from some sleazy pawn shop vendor.

Well, those days are no more! Now you can buy back your stolen merchandise on eBay, from the convenience of your own home. A German man bought a camera on eBay to replace the one that was stolen from him, only to find that it was he same camera. The future is now!

smackmaster “wyamrd”

Studies by an insurance company show that New Year’s parties in Scotland result in more accidents than those in other areas.

“…Its more memorable New Year party claims included the Glasgow man who danced so vigorously that he lost his balance and fell through the patio doors of the host’s house.”

One party-loving host had to replace his entire ceiling after one of his guests decided to hang from the ceiling light. This New Year’s Eve, Team Smackage hopes all of you party it up like the Scots! Happy New Year!

smackmaster “wyamrd”

Ludacris
$85.00 / $0.00 / 0%

“Served him and his three bodyguards for over an hour, they ordered food for there and to go, insisted on switching tables twice so people wouldn’t see him. Finally finished, prepared all food to go so it would be hot, he left exact amount in cash on table and exited out rear door. NO TIP!”

Celebrity Bathwater™ — We’d write about you, too, if you were famous!

It seems that swinging is all the rage in Europe and Canada. Canada’s Supreme Court lifted a ban on swingers’ clubs, just in time for the holidays. The court ruled that group sex among consenting adults is neither prostitution nor a threat to society. L’Orage, a popular Montreal club, now features “Gang Bang Tuesdays.” In related news, the Smackage Goat is moving to Canada.

In much less conservative Europe, they like to have their orgies on public display, not confined to the semi-privacy of clubs. A billboard in Austria depicted a threesome with George W. Bush, Jacques Chirac, and the Queen of England. The billboard has been taken down by popular demand. I guess having porn in the streets where kids can see it might be going a little too far. But I’m pretty sure swingers clubs are still legal over there, if anyone else is considering moving to Austria.

smackmaster “wyamrd”

Top Supreme Court laywer Paul Clement has recently jumped aboard Anna Nicole’s ongoing fight to claim her 89 year old husbands every last cent and legally filed her arguments. Obviously, the importance of the Anna Nicole Smith case far outweighs any other ongoing crises the Bush Administration faces at this current point in time — like, you know, that war thing.

The fact that the resources of the White House are being utilized in a case that even a 5-year old kid could plainly analyze astounds me to no end. Anna Nicole and her enormous jugs aint messin with no broke 89-year old men. And could somebody please liberate this koala from being consumed into the blackhole of her teets? He doesn’t know any better..

smackmaster “I like my beer cold.. my tv loud.. and my homosexuals flaming”

A 130-year old tortoise in Africa has adopted a baby hippo. Owen the hippo was living with his family when the tsunami hit. He washed up in a different area, orphaned. He ended up in a sanctuary with Mzee the tortoise. The happy ending is really adorable:

“The tortoise at first resisted. But the persistent Owen kept following him around the park, into the pool and trying to sleep next to him.”

The pair is inseparable, and they’ve been together for a year now. It’s a Christmas miracle!

smackmaster “wyamrd”