July 3rd, 2009
It looks like Seaman Recruit David Beckham is all ready to set sea and anchor detail on the S.S. Gay Man’s Wet Dream. Bon ménage voyage, mateys!
With wife Victoria Beckham:
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July 3rd, 2009
Shakira just unveiled the new hot-as-hell cover for her latest single, She Wolf. You know, it’s funny — they actually used to call me She-Wolf back in high school. Not because of my natural mystique and my solitary grace, though. Mostly because I had a unibrow and a mustache and could put away four trays of cafeteria meatloaf in one sitting. I always fucking hated high school.
Oldies but goodies:
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July 3rd, 2009
Even though she renounced custody both in court eight years ago and in an interview with News of the World last week, Michael Jackson’s ex-wife Debbie Rowe is now saying she plans to fight for custody of Prince and Paris Jackson. According to Us Weekly
“I want my children,” Rowe said during a 90-minute phone conversation Thursday morning with NBCLA.
Katherine filed a 22-page petition seeking legal guardianship of the children. A guardianship hearing scheduled for Monday has been postponed until July 13 at the request of attorneys for Rowe and Katherine Jackson.
Rowe also said she was willing to submit to any testing, including DNA to prove that she is the children’s true biological mother, [and] would submit to psychological testing.
“I am stepping up,” Rowe said. “I have to.”
Well, of course she has to. The will very clearly states she gets nothing:
“I have intentionally omitted to provide for my former wife, Deborah Jean Rowe Jackson,” the [document] states.
… while the kids will get almost half of his estate. TMZ says
Katherine Jackson will get 40% of the assets. Michael’s 3 kids will get another 40%.
And the remaining 20% goes to several children’s charities.
Sure sounds different from Debbie’s testimony eight years ago, in which she said,
“I had the children for [Michael]. I did it for him to become a father, not for me to become a mother. You earn the title ‘parent.’ I have done absolutely nothing to earn that title.”
Of course, that was before there was a $200 million dollar estate up for grabs. That changes everything. It’s just a matter of time before her eyes turn into bulging dollar signs and her tongue starts lolling out of her mouth any time she gets near a courthouse. Yep, Saturday morning cartoons have taught me practically everything I know about the legal system. That’s why I always dress as a sexy bunny when I have my probation hearings.
Watch video of his final dress rehearsal two nights before his death after the jump
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July 2nd, 2009
You gotta be careful when Kim Kardashian’s behind the grill at your Fourth of July party. You never know if the two “all-beef patties” and “special sauce” she’s talking about is a burger or just a coy euphemism for her ass and some black dude’s spunk.
At the Sierra Mist Beach House:
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July 2nd, 2009
Jessica Simpson has highlights out and her highbeams on. (CelebSlam)
Mischa Barton busted sniffing coke in a Hollywood nightclub bathroom. (Hollywood Rag)
Demi Lovato actually looks… hot?! (Socialite Life)
Here are Jessica Simpson’s tits from another angle. (Bastardly)
Elementary school teacher Crystal Defanti sends a sex tape starring herself home to her students. Teacher of the Year, anyone? (Right TV)
Hayden Panettiere’s tattoo, when translated from the Latin, actually reads “I’m an empty-headed twatwaffle.” True fucking story. (Websters)
Celebretard showdown: Mariah Carey vs Jennifer Lopez. (College Candy)
Michael Jackson liked full-makeup role-playing sex, according to Lisa Marie. Please excuse me while I gouge out my mind’s eye. (CelebNewsWire)
First official pictures from “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!” Dork. (UseMyComputer)
Scarlett Johansson sexy Esquire magazine outtakes. (popoholic)
Lady Gaga shows her tits to everyone… again. (Holy Moly)
Keira Knightley posting topless for Chanel! (Glamzilla)
Wanna see male-on-male bestial jerk off action? Than get your tickets to “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur,” baby! (Pajiba)
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July 2nd, 2009
You think the guy calling 9-1-1 the other day because McDonald’s didn’t give him the correct amount of change was bad? As this group of videos can attest, people using 9-1-1 for non-emergencies has been a staple of local news and internet hilarity since the beginning of time (yes, literally).
Here are our favorite 9 examples of hilarious 9-1-1 pseudo-emergencies. (Why 9? To honor 9-1-1, of course. Also we’re lazy):
9. Dead From Pot Brownies:
8. Mayo AND Mustard
7. Elephant On The Loose
Simpsons did it!
6. No Lemonade at Burger King
5. Out Of McNuggets
(Sequel: McNugget Woman Defends Her Decision)
4. The Taco Bell Ambulance
(Not technically a 9-1-1 call, but also definitely not an emergency either)
3. Joe McCain Hates Traffic
2. Kid Out Of Control? No Big Deal To This Operator
1. Asking Cop on a Date
30 Rock did it!
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July 2nd, 2009
This 4th of July, when you will probably be microwaving hot dogs because it’s raining too much to grill outside, why not take a few moments to honor one of our country’s greatest heroes: Evel Knievel. The man loved America so much he was willing to get on a motorcycle and jump 14 Greyhound buses without hesitation. That’s more than many of us can say (I’ll only jump like two buses for my country).
Here are some choice Evel Knievel jumps embedded below. Have a safe 4th of July, everyone!
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